i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
