I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
