the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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