I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
