I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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