Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
