How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
