Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Randomize
