Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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