I smell stomach acid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wow bdsm is so cute
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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