In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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