Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
