I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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