with your own penis?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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