i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
