I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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