its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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