my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My cat gives me a boner
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize