we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
