I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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