party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
