Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
