I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
