i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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