I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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