Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
