FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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