Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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