Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
