No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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