it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
