Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
