Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
