Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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