Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
