i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
