If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
