We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
