Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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