i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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