I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize