he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
