WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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