he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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