making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
