If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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