She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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