I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
