I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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