"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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