Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
