Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
