You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
