We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
