i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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