according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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