Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
