Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
