Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
