wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
