She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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