she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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