'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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