he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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