Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
