I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
