It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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