i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
