Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
