maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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