bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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