I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
