I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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