It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
