I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
