Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
