I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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