it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
