Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
