Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
