I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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